Fears & Anxiety In Children: Where Do They Start?

I am a high anxiety lady.  I have been for a long time - well, forever really.  I am not sure why.  I can't seem to pin point it to any particular time or event but I know that I have always been this way.  Along with my anxiety comes some very specific fears and things that amp up my anxiety.  Most of them make really no sense but they have been around forever. always.

What I have been wondering lately is where do my fears and more specifically my children's fears/anxieties come from? they are young so they don't have a lot of exposure to a whole lot and funny enough their anxieties are not the same as mine - so i don't think they are mimicking me.  part of me wonders if our own fears/anxieties come from some sort of instinctual place. 

I read a great book recently that was a love story but also had a huge component about reincarnation. Without being too religious - there really was no religious part to the story - it talked about past lives and how they influence our present lives {eg. your fears are reactions to something that happened in your past life}  in how we live and our fears and the type of people we are drawn to {eg. those people you have an instant connection to are because you knew them in a past life}. 

It got me to thinking - I mean that makes sense.  I am not saying I believe in reincarnation or that i don't but our instincts do guide us.  My daughter R has a fear that just doesn't make sense to me. I mean I can understand why it is there - but not why she has this fear. 

R will get very anxious to the point of crying if a grown man {stranger} enters a room that she is in. Like, if we are at home and a guy comes over that she doesn't know or if she is in her 1 hour preschool class if one of the Dads goes to pick up their child she will start crying... instantly. It doesn't bother her if we are in crowds and doesn't really matter if we are there with her or not - since it happens in our house too.

She is only 3 years old and I know that she has not had any bad even that would have spawned this off. It started nearly 2 years ago and she has never been anywhere other then in my care.  She only started preschool in September {it's only 1 hour a week} so I am sort of baffled as to why she has it or where it came from or even how to help her with it.  Will she grow out of it? 

Do you think fears in instinctual or are they a result of something?  A little of both?  What fears do you have?

Disclaimer: This post was inspired by the book My Name is Memory by Ann Brashares which is this month's book in the EverythingMom National Book Club.  As a Mom Influencer for EverythingMom. I received a complimentary copy of this book for review.

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos | Gluten Free Attachment Parenting™ Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

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Looking For YOUR Help & Input

Hello Lovelies! I am hoping I could snag a moment of your time & get a quick favor out of you. In an effort to find out what you guys like to read and what you like to see here on Accustomed Chaos I have come up with a very quick survey.  I would be forever happy with you if you could take a moment and answer 6 quick questions on what you read (or don't read) here on Accustomed Chaos. It is all anonymous & please feel free to answer honestly! 

The Survey Can Be Found HERE.  

I compiled this and put together this survey myself & I promise it is just for my own use so I know what direction I would like to go with this blog. 

Thank you!!

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos | Gluten Free Attachment Parenting™ Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

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Guest Post: Finding Balance In Life

Happy Friday everyone! Today I have a post over at Mommy Oblongata talking about Balance (or lack there of) in my life.

Now that Big P is going to be starting school - I need your tips on how to balance life! Come check me out leave some love & then read some fabulous posts from the beautiful Nikki!

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment over at Mommy Oblongata ♥ Accustomed Chaos / Canada Gluten Free Examiner Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

              

"Mommy Blogger" : What's In A Name?

Photo Source: Velveteen Mind

When I first started blogging back in January I wasn't really sure what the niche of my blog would be. I never really even thought about it. I initially wanted to just have a space that was mine - where i could write anything that came to mind.  In 8 months it has evolved to a bit more then just that and I consider this blog to be under a few niches.

A term that I have come across in the past 8 months and have been "filed under" by the blogosphere is " Mommy Blogger ".

Generally I don't like to be labeled or typecasted but for some reason I am kind of on the fence about this term.  I am conflicted - I both hate it and don't mind it. Let me try to explain:

Yes I am a mom, yes I blog. I blog about motherhood, parenting, infant feeding choices, life changes , miscarriages and here I am blogging about Mommy Blogging.  There are a whole slew of other bloggers who are mom's who don't mind being called Mommy Blogger and I love that I am considered in the same company.  One of my favourites Loukia from Loulou's Views has this to say:

I don't hate the term mommy blogger because it is not offensive to me at all. I don't call myself a mommy blogger - just a blogger - because I talk about a variety of topics on my blog, Loulou's Views. I mostly talk about my children, though - and I am a mom who blogs, so if I were to be called a mommy blogger, I would not mind at all.

I think where my reservation about the term comes in is because "Mommy Blogger" doesn't encompass all that I write about. I also write about gluten free living, celiac disease and share recipes that are gluten and casein free. My tag line (Gluten Free Attachment Parenting) sort of ties the two niches together and I guess I feel the term sort of limits my passion for the gluten free aspect of this blog.

Another one of my favourite bloggers is Lindsey from Waking Up Williams. When I asked her what she thout of the term here is what she said:

I don't particularly care for the term Mommy Blogger for a variety of reasons.  I did not start a blog to write about my "mommy" moments. Our family blog started to share my pregnancy with out of state family members.  Then my husband jumped on board and decided he wanted to share his side of a soon to be father.  It blossomed into so much more.  I prefer the phrase: A mom who blogs, or just blogger.  Because in reality I'm so much more than just a mom, or just a blogger. I think what bothers me most about the term mommy blogger is that it's assumed by many that we don't have two thoughts to rub together, or we're an easy target for "free" advertising/giveaways/etc.  We, as mommy's, are smart individuals, who are good at other tasks.  I have a Master's Degree, I'm creative and a lover of animals. I had a career before becoming a full time stay at home mom.  I'm ALSO a great mommy and wife and multi-tasker. I don't want the term "mommy blogger" to be synonymous with pushover. 

Lindsey basically summed up why I hate the term. I get a lot of useless PR pitches that will start the email off as "Dear Mom Blogger" asking for me to "let my readers know about their amazing product" and they will provide me a link back in return.  Serious. When I reply back letting them know I don't allow free advertising they have told me that they have successfully done this in the past with other "Mom Bloggers". Sigh. That is a new rant really, but it's like what Lindsey said, pushover is not something I want to be considered.

Just like with any other area of society - blogging also has its own hierarchy.  I really noticed the hierarchy of blogging this past month when I was at BlogHer.  You get the political bloggers looking down on the mommy bloggers who look down on the coupon bloggers who scoff at the foodie bloggers who also look down on the mommy bloggers and so on. Now, this is my own interpretation from some bloggers that I had conversations with and this is by NO MEANS what I personally think. 

Well, if you are still with me -- this is why I am so conflicted. I both love the term (for the company) but hate the term (for the assumptions on what it means).  I think it is one of those things that I am just going to have to love and hate at the same time.  I prefer not to be labeled but in this society people feel better having labels on people.

:: What are your thoughts? Do you hate being labeled? Is it possible to have a successful blog in a few niches? ::

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos / Canada Gluten Free Examiner Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

              

Accustomed Chaos is Heading To NYC & BlogHer

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In just under 2 weeks I will be arriving to NYC for the first time.  I have heard it is one of the places to go, my husband has been,  my parents and sister and now, it is my turn.  I am not just going for the pure fun and joy of it - actually I would not be going at all if a few things didn't come into play for me.

BlogHer - one of the largest conferences for women in blogging & social media is in New York City this year.  Tickets were sold out forever ago and I had just left it at that - I would plan and save to go next year and sit back in jealousy as I read all the tweets & blog post about the amazing time all my friends were having there.  I had entered a few contest to try to win a ticket to BlogHer but as the contests ended and I did not win I was okay with that and moved on.

Then the most amazing thing happened. It was my anniversary morning (July 10th) and I was checking my email when someone left a comment on my site saying congrats for winning a ticket to BlogHer. I thought for sure she had me mixed up with someone else but decided to check on it.  Opened up twitter & had all these messages to me congratulating on winning.  Turns out the contest I entered at Mamavation had been re-opened and I was selected as the winner of 1 full ticket to BlogHer and had 2 hours to reply back!

Then I got started right away on all the plans I had to make! Thankfully everything has been coming together so quickly & easily for me and that puts me at so much ease.  Passport was the first thing that I had to take care of - then came the business cards and hotel, travel and money.

I am so thrilled to announce my sponsor for BlogHer. The amazing company I will be representing is one that I FULLY stand behind and they have also been a huge supporter of myself and Accustomed Chaos. 

Kinnikinnick Foods mission statement is to provide Celiacs, people with Autism and other people with special dietary requirements with an uncontaminated, risk free source of food products.  I honestly stand by the company and their food is a huge part of our daily life and I am so excited to represent them.

So, with BlogHer now less then 2 weeks away - I am trying to prepare myself and my kids for my absence. I entertained the idea of bringing all of them or just Baby E with me but have decided against that. It will be my first time away from her since she was born and the first time we will have to sleep with out each other at night {since we are still co sleeping}.  I have an amazing family and I know she will be just fine without me for a few days - I just have to get over my anxieties about it. 

If you are going to be in New York on August 6th & 7th and would like to get together - send me an email [accustomedchaos at gmail.com] and we will make plans!

:: Any tips on preparing myself & the kids for me being away? ::

:: Any safe gluten free recommendations for restaurants in NY?::

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos / Canada Gluten Free Examiner Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

              

Friendships, Motherhood and Life

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I was having a conversation with my sister yesterday on our way back from a little shopping excursion and it is still playing in my mind.  An interesting topic that we both seemed to struggle with and a question neither had the answer to.  Since I have the worlds greatest blogging buddies I thought I would throw the question to you. 

How do you make new friends as an adult?

When I was younger it was easy to make friends. I was in school full time, I had a job and that is where the majority of my friends were from. We had a lot in common because we were studying the same thing in school and were in the same classes and were then "forced" to hang out with each other every day.  

I noticed things changed a lot for me when I graduated from college and got married that summer.  I had some of my best college {and a few high school} friends at my wedding and in my wedding.  It was wonderful to share that experience with them.  They held my hand as I grieved my first 3 miscarriages and then suddenly a lot changed when I had Big P.  I noticed a few of my friends stopped calling and we weren't seeing each other nearly at all.  I get it - we were no longer in the same life situation - we had little in common. It still hurt.  

I have some great friends in my life who I sadly don't get to see nearly enough. They are mothers too and we all know how difficult it can be to find time for ourselves, let alone time for friends who live 40 minutes away. It really is not practical to get together once a week for girl time.  Most of the time I am only able to connect with them through an email once in a while.  It is the result of our busy lives and a bit of traveling distance {and of course my inability to drive, which makes it even harder.}

I see on television shows and movies wonderful groups of friends {like Sex and the City or Friends} and find myself wondering how many women actually have that in their life.  Are you still friends with women who you have known forever, who are in different life situations and still find time to meet up at least once a month?  I find myself craving that and the more I think about it the more I realize that.

Like I was saying - my sister and I were talking about how you meet new friends as an adult?  Since there is no school curriculum "forcing" people with a similar interest together and in my case, no job outside the house, how do you make new friends? 

::Where do you find that common ground that brings you together and you build a true friendship upon?:: 

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos / Canada Gluten Free Examiner Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

              

Embarking on New Leg Of Parenting

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Where does the time go? Seriously! I remember when I was first pregnant with Big P people would comment on how fast time will fly by and I really didn't get it.  Now, fast forward to 4 and a half years later and here I was last Friday taking Big P to his senior kindergarten orientation.

I am dumbfounded on how honestly quickly the time went by. I remember so vividly the morning I went into labor with him, the first time I held him and fed him from my breast. I remember it all like it was yesterday and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he will be in school in 3 months.

Since he is a December baby he could have actually started JK last September - at 3 years old.  He wasn't ready so we didn't enroll him last year and it was the right decision.  This year he is more then ready and excited to go and he will be going right into SK into a french immersion program - so 100% French taught for the first 4 years of school.

I am intimidated, I am scared, I am proud and mostly I am in awe of this baby who grew into such a beautiful, lively boy who is so full of life, laughter and beaming with energy. I am about to "unleash him into the world" for the first time, and although kindergarten is only part time (T, Th & every other F) it is going to be so quiet around her without him during the day.  

I am so excited to watch him learn, interact and shape his world around him.  We are about to embark on a whole new leg of the journey and I could not be more proud of the little big boy he has become.

:: Any tips on how to survive the first few weeks? For mommy not Big P - he will be fine::

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How Do You Make Time?

Myself and my adorable husband Ryan

I am looking for your advice ladies (and gents) in an effort to learn your tricks and tips on how to stay connected with your significant other. 

My husband and I are crazy busy parents of three kids; 4 years old and under. I am a stay at home mom and he is a work outside the house Dad who is gone for 11 hours during the day.  He gets home at around 7 pm every night and we all eat dinner as a family. He then gives the kids a bath and I put Baby E to bed while he tucks in Big P and Princess R.  All this is done by 8:30pm. Some nights Baby E wont fall asleep until around 10:30 but she has been getting a log better at sleeping around 8:30pm.

When the kids are tightly tucked in and sleeping soundly, Ryan and I get to work on our at home freelance work. We sit in the bedroom together - Baby E sleeping on her floor bed or on our bed between us - and we are working away on our own laptops.  Most nights we are working until around 1 in the morning.   

This is a pretty good picture of our every night - dinner, bath, kids to bed, working, sleep and repeat.  This is the routine that works for work and the kids, however it doesn't really leave too much time for each other.  I would love to be able to spend more time with him, but right now our schedules don't really allow for it.  We hang out together by working in the same room - and for us that is enough for now.


How do you and your significant other make time for each other? What cute or creative things do you do to make sure you stay connected through your busy schedules?

 
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Looking For Your Input

Hello lovelies! I am struggling with a bit of blogging identity crisis as of late and I am feeling like this site may not have much direction. I am so passionate in all the areas that I write about so I don't want to narrow into one particular niche because I started this site for me, an outlet for my crazy life and I want to stick wtih that. 

I am looking for your help.. If you could take a few moments to answer a few quick survey questions so I can learn a bit more about who you are. Whether you are a quiet lurker, frequent reader or avid commenter I would appreciate so much if you could fill out the poll and/or leave a comment about what you like to read, what you want to see more of or less of or any topic you want me to cover. 

Demographics Poll can be found here. 

 
I also wanted to let you all know that I have joined another site called BABYssentials. I am part of their new and exciting Mommy Bloggers Panel and over there I will be writing about the chronicles of The Pregnancy Journey. I would love to see some of your comments there and check out the other amazing bloggers!

Thank you all so much and don't forget to enter into the giveaways that are running right now. They are closing in less then a week and I don't want you to miss on your opportunity!

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Seeking Advice: Biting Nurser

I have entered a new territory.  Even though this is my third child, this is the first one I have been successful at breastfeeding past 4 months and now that she is turning one in a week, I have reached my intended goal with her!

I am having an issue with her lately though. She has taken to biting me or twisting her head without unlatching... certainly not fun for mommy.  I know this is a pretty common issue for breastfeeding Mom's so I am turning to you for your expertise. 

How do I get this to stop or is that even possible? Please tell me this is something she will at least grow out of. I know neither of us are ready to start weaning yet - so if we can make this less painful for me right now - that would be a HUGE bonus.

Thanks in advance Mom's!

*Edited to Add: Thank you to the support at Breastfeeding.com for your wonderful suggestions and sending out this amazingly helpful link from Kellymom.com. * February 9, 2010 @ 1:55pm

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