I'm a Proud Theta Mom!

Hello Theta Moms! My name is Devan and I am a stay at home mom to three beautiful kids (aged 4, 3 &1) and a wife to an amazing and supportive man who has been my sweetheart since high school. I started Accustomed Chaos in January 2010 to create a space that was just for me – where I could write my thoughts and share my passions; a little of everything.

We live in a gluten free household because both myself and 3 year old daughter have Celiac Disease – an autoimmune disorder triggered by gluten and in order to keep us safe my other two children and my husband eat gluten free as well.  When I was first diagnosed 4 years ago I was lost on what I can eat and thought my life of loving food was over.  Over the years I have really come to realize that I am not missing out at all and love sharing my recipes and favourite gluten free products.  Gluten free versions of Oreo-type cookies, lasagna, chicken fingers and lemon meringue pie – all possible and delicious!

How The Media Is Making Things Worse For Celiac Disease

The road to motherhood has not been easy for me and I use my blog as a safe place to work through the grief left by my 10 miscarriages.  The support from my readers and fellow bloggers has meant more to me then I can express and I never knew how much e-hugs would help in my journey.  I use Accustomed Chaos and my story to break the silence of miscarriage and bring this taboo topic into the light.

My Journey Through 10 Miscarriages

I am also a passionate attachment parent and breastfeeding advocate.  I have been breastfeeding my youngest now for 20 months and would like to continue until she plans to wean.  What you wont find here on Accustomed Chaos is any judgment or bashing of any kind – especially when it comes to breastfeeding vs formula. I am a strong believer in informed choice – whatever that choice is. 

Breastfeeding Advocacy vs Formula Bashing

I am all about keeping it real and honest.  I am accustomed to the chaos of children and all that comes with it. I don't pretend to be perfect and I do my best to cherish these moments - even the crazy ones  - because time goes way too quickly.

Taking Off The Mommy Mask

Blogging and the Theta Mom community has been so supportive of me and I love what Heather has built up. I had the opportunity to meet Theta Mom in person at BlogHer this summer and she is even more lovely in person!  Thank you to Heather for all your support and thank you fellow Theta Moms!

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos | Gluten Free Attachment Parenting™ Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

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Guest Post: Late Starter Elimination Communication

Time for another guest post on infant diapering and today we have a goodie! Julian (@pocketbuddha) from Pocket Buddha shares with us her adventures in late starting elimination communication.  Here is her adventure in her own words:   

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Late starter Elimination communication is an adventure. An adventure that is awkward and sometimes difficult but can also be really rewarding. My decision to adopt Elimination Communication (EC) techniques with my son when he was 10 months of age was not an easy one. I had a few major misconceptions to deal with before I could accept the practice. (You can read about how I overcame those first impressions here) When I finally decided on EC, like when I put my mind to anything, I dove right in head first.

Looking back, I think I may have been a little ambitious about the whole thing. My intention was never to ‘potty train’ my infant, I knew that EC is a slow and gradual process for families, and especially families who decide to get started after their babies are 4-6 months of age. I knew that toilet learning wouldn’t be an overnight success. What I didn’t appreciate is WHY it is a slow and gradual process. It’s not because using the toilet is a learned skill that evolves as children develop (although it is and it does). It’s because teaching a child how to use the toilet is a learned skill that evolves as parents develop.

At first glance, teaching a child how to use a toilet sounds easy. After all, actually using the toilet is easy for me so what could the big deal be? According to my research all I had to do was show Oliver how to use the toilet by welcoming him into the bathroom and letting him see what it is for, ‘offer the potty’ after naps and meals when it is likely that he will eliminate, then learn his elimination cues, and build his association with the toilet over time by ‘catching’ more and more eliminations. Sounds simple no? As it turns out, none of those steps are without their obstacles.

Update: Transition From CoSleeping To Own Room

I posted back in June how we were working on the transition from co-sleeping to own room with our youngest daughter.  She has been sleeping with us since birth and the last update I mentioned I was hoping to have her transitioned by 18months.

I very much believe in child-led parenting with some gentle guidance.  We were not forcing her out but taking her cues for wanting independence and working with what helped her sleep better.  She was showing interest and readiness.  Slept through the night without waking to breastfeed, interest in her room so after about 3 weeks, we moved her floor bed out and into her own room across the hall. 

We had her mattress on the floor in our room and she was sleeping on that for quite some time. To move her into her own room - we kept everything on her 'bed' the same and just move it. We also had a room fan on for calming noise and were sure to move that into her room with her. It helps soothe her to sleep and she is a sound sleeper and the noise from the fan helps drown out any noise that our other two kids make.  

One day (after about 3 weeks of sleeping through the night) we moved her stuff into her own room. Made sure she was in a good mood and had napped that day.  Kept the whole bedtime routine the same and amazingly she ran into her room -- her room after bath, not ours.  She was so ready.  

That first night she slept through the night (7 hours) then came into our room after that. She just crawled up on the bed and went back to sleep.  Can not ask for anything better then that. It gave me 7 hours with the bed just to myself and my husband.  It was also nice to have our bedroom back.  

She has now been in her own room for about a month. In that time she has given up the floor bed and is now sleeping on the guest futon in that room.  She sleeps better on it because it is a much bigger area, which she is used to.  Sure there are some nights that she is in the bed with us (like tonight because she has the flu) and she does still come into our room to cuddle in the early morning. This is the best of both worlds for me.  I love that we were able to softly transition her - on her own terms and it was with a time frame that we were okay with too.  

So, now the space in my room that used to house her bed is now a second place for me to blog and house my collection of obsession (MAC make up). We have a nice corner desk here and it's nice to have the space.  

I also love that she walks right in and crawls into my arms every morning too. Love it. 

:: What was behind your decision to co-sleep or not co-sleep? ::

Editied to add: October 4, 2010: E now sleeps in her room from 9:30pm through to 8:00am. She goes to sleep happy and wakes up happy. Fully transitioned now (unless she is sick). Gently done on her own terms with no CIO and it was a natural transition. 

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos | Gluten Free Attachment Parenting™ Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

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My House is My Kids Home Too

Before my husband and I got married we talked about kids. How much we wanted, what our 'roles' would be and decided that we were going to do everything we could to ensure I could be a stay at home parent at least until they were all full time in school.

We had kids very early in our marriage – we got married in July 2004 and had our first full term child in December 2005. Right out of college we tied the knot and began our family planning right away. We were living in an apartment at the time and my husband was working full time and I stopped working when I was very early pregnant with Big P {I had 2 miscarriages before him and I was on bed rest early}.  We knew a house was in our future at some point – with a huge focus on our family.

We purchased our first home in 2008 – pregnant with Triton we moved in with Big P and Princess R.  We lost Triton here and brought Baby E home from the hospital here. It is where we will raise them until we are too big for this house.

We bought this house for them. Our house is their home too.  We “decorated” it with them in mind knowing that we would be raising 3 (or more) babies, toddlers, preschoolers, kids here. We knew our kids would be close in age – and they are – which means chaos and more kids then hands and eyes.

I consider myself a “gentle parent” - I don't like to raise my voice, say “no” too often or spend all day re-directing the kids. This does not mean I don't discipline, just means I like to take the 'softest' path possible.  For us this means creating a house that is safe, kid friendly and where I won't have to spend my time worrying about crayon on the wall, a kid hitting their face off a coffee table or if one of my kids accidentally drops some almond milk on the floor.

Kids don't need stress in their life – certainly not in their own home. I also do not need anymore stress in my life. I don't want to have a heart attack when I have to go to the washroom during craft time and I come back and Baby E has coloured on the wall or if one of my kids has an accident on the floor or they are getting too close to the edge of the coffee table.

So instead of worrying about all of that – we took all “that” away. We have no coffee table, our living room doesn't have expensive furniture or a huge television. 

We painted our walls with scrubbable eggshell paint so it takes only 2 wipes to get crayon, marker or pen off.   The rule here – if you leave something important lying around and a kid got to it – it's your fault.  I only have 2 arms, 2 eyes with 3 kids... it is near impossible to watch them ALL the time. 

Instead of fancy expensive artwork hanging on the walls we hung up the most valuable paintings – exclusive to our house. The kids made our artwork that hangs above our couch and TV unit in the living room. The are so proud to show them off and I think they look good. 

If you have ever wondered how I get any blogging, writing, tweeting done? I have my main computer in the computer of my living room - just off the couch. I sit on the couch and write/tweet when Baby E is taking her naps (remember she only sleeps on me) during the day.  I can periodically check my emails and stuff during the day because it is right where were are most of the time. The kids also like to play games on the computer now & we are slowing integrating some "how to" computer stuff during the day.

We have all our breakable, expensive, important stuff up in our room – the rest of the house the kids have access to. They know the rules of the house – they know they are not supposed to draw on the walls, or make a mess but they are kids – they will test boundaries and make poor judgments, fall and hurt themselves.

This is how they learn.  I want them to feel comfortable in their house – their home.

Our decor will change as they get older – we will be able to incorporate more “adult” items but while they are still young, clumsy and learning we will have our house decorations suit them. :

:So they don't worry, so we don't worry, so this is OUR home ::

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos | Gluten Free Attachment Parenting™ Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

              

Best for Babes & By Moms For Moms Came To My Rescue & Saved My Boobies

You all know this is my first time being away from Baby E for any length of time and this is an extended time of 3 nights and 4 days. As you guys know I am breastfeeding Baby E and have been for the past 17 months so not only did was i anticipating this trip to cause a bit of separation anxiety – but also my breasts would have some separation anxiety as well.

Since I didn't bring Baby E with me to New York City or BlogHer and made the 13 hour ride down here I had my bags packed and had full intentions of bringing my electric breast pump with me – it was going to be necessary.

I woke up here in NYC on Friday morning and since I hadn't pumped or breastfed all day so when I woke up early Friday morning I opened my suitcase and FREAKED OUT. I had forgotten to pack my breast pump. I was already engorged and SORE and it was only the start of the second day – I had 2 more days to get through.

I tweeted this out and you guys were amazing with some suggestions on how I could cope. I did a bit of hand expressing which helped relieve some pain, but i also worried about my supply since i would be away so long. I am sure if you read the tweets you could sense my anxiety and PAIN!

Well, two super heros came to my rescue! The amazing Bettina at Best For Babes got into contact with By Moms For Moms who are here at BlogHer hosting the Lactation Lounge and hooked me up with a pump. The Lansinoh Affinity Pump!

Lansinoh Affinity Double Electric Breast Pump

I am not sure if i can thank them enough. If my breasts could hug them they would – RELIEF is AWESOME! The pump is amazing and worked like a dream! I have a pump at home and what i like so much about this Lansinoh Affinty Pump is that it manages to be both powerful yet not painful. We know that pumps are not the same as babes – and you need to be able to relax enough to get let down with a pump sometimes. The Lansinoh Affinity has a single button that stimulates let down and then goes into regular pumping mode. It was sweet relief and quick and unlike other pumps i have used it was gentle.

Thank you thank you thank you again to By Moms for Moms for helping me out and thank you to Best for Babes for looking after me – my boobs thank you, I thank you and my Babe will thank you ♥

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos / Canada Gluten Free Examiner Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

              

National Breastfeeding Month {USA}: New PSA

♥ Accustomed Chaos / Canada Gluten Free Examiner Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

              

World Breastfeeding Week

It's World Breastfeeding Week this week (August 1-7th)! A whole week dedicated to celebrating and advocating for Breastfeeding. 

Today I have been breastfeeding Baby E for 1 year, 5 months, 1 week and 6 days and still going. This week as I head to BlogHer I will be re-introduced with my double electric pump and away from E for the first time - fingers are crossed everything will work out ok :)

I have a guest post over at Fearless Formula Feeder about my journey through formula feeding my first two children and then ultimately being "successful" at breastfeeding my third.

I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos / Canada Gluten Free Examiner Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com

              

Work In Progress: Transition From CoSleeping to Own Room

Baby E will be 16 months old in a few days and we are still co sleeping and breastfeeding.  We have started the transition to move her into her own room and we are doing our best to make is as simple and organic for Baby E as we can.  I have had a few people ask us how we are doing the transition so I thought it would be easiest to answer in a post.

Baby E has been co sleeping with us since she was born. We had planned to room share with her as we did with our older 2 children.  With Baby E we bed shared as well - it wasn't planned but things happened that just made the situation make sense for us.  We were hoping to transition her out of our room by 18 months so the planning and early transitions began at 14 months and are still now continuing.

In my opinion, co sleeping is so important if you are still night time nursing. I don't think i would have been able to continue breastfeeding and functioning if it wasn't for bed sharing.  I do not believe there is any age limit that needs to end co sleeping and we set the time of 18 months because Baby E was showing signs of readiness, we were showing signs of readiness and our plan was to make it a smooth, gradual transition.

Attachment Parenting, CIO & Me

Baby E sleeping on a mattress on floor in our room

As you all know I consider myself an 'attachment parent'.  I am pretty strong in some of my parenting philosophies and feel very passionate about how my choices can affect my kids. I am going to be honest with you here - although I try to be non-judgmental and will never tell another mother or family what not to do - I have strong opinions about certain parenting methods.

I totally get the notion of needing to do what is right for your family so I will never attack someone for making that choice for their family - whatever it is. I know I am about to "unleash" on a touchy subject here so I need to preface it by saying I am not judging you/your family/your choices if you have done/will do the CIO/"modified CIO/"Ferber Method" - but I personally do not agree with it.

I remember back when Big P was only 5 months old. I had people asking me if he was sleeping through the night yet - and I really didn't get it. I mean - he is only 5 months old. He still woke up every 2 hours to eat and didn't ever sleep more then 4 hours at a time. Was it hard? Heck yes! Was it NORMAL? Heck yes!  He didn't start sleeping through the night (which in medical terms actually means 5 hour stretches) until he was 2.5 years old.  Princess R got into a routine of sleeping through the night when she was 18 months old, and Baby E, well, she is not there yet at 15 months old.

I am surprised with the amount of criticism I received because I was not 'sleep training' my babies.  I have been told that I am spoiling my kids, that they would never learn to "self-sooth" and that I was setting them up for unhealthy attachment.  I am so thankful that I was confident in my choices to not 'sleep train' and stuck with my beliefs. It is easy to switch up what in your heart you believe to be the best for your kids when you are met with opposition.

The main reaction I get to why I should "sleep train" my child (other then to allow myself more sleep) is that my child will learn how to 'self sooth' and that is good for them.  The idea that they will be able to calm themselves down and go back to sleep themselves when/if they wake up at night.  This statement bothers me to an extreme.  I do agree a child needs to learn how to fall asleep peacefully and to be able to go back to sleep on their own - but expecting this of a baby at 3, 4 or 5 months old is expecting too much.  I would even go as far as saying expecting that of a child under 2 years old may be expecting too much.  Each child learns at a different rate and we don't expect our 3 month old to feed themselves, or use a toilet or walk - so why do we expect so much from them with it comes to sleep? 

I understand that babies cry, trust me I have 3 kids and they cry - but to me there is a big difference between a crying baby alone in their room in a crib and a crying baby in the arms of their mom or dad or family friend.  I also understand that sometimes Mom's need a break from the screaming so I am not talking about those few in between times you need to leave baby safely in the crib and leave the room for 5 minutes for your sanity.

I am talking about the "why isn't my 5 month old sleeping for 8-12hrs at night" times. Routine - not crying - is the best set up for peaceful "sleep training".   If you set up the same routine baby will anticipate that it is bedtime and will know what to expect.  Most children (baring some underlying issue) will eventually sleep more then 5 hours at a time. No one said parenting was easy - night time parenting is just as important as day time parenting and expecting our babies to learn to sleep to our schedules is just asking too much.

What is your experience with sleep and your kids? What routine do you use that works?

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How Bed-Sharing Saved Our Breastfeeding Relationship

When my 3^rd child was born I never intended to bed-share. We had planned, as we had with our other 2 children, to room-share for the first year of their life, but things changed 2 months after she was born.

I have been struggling with an undiagnosed health issue for 2 years which can cause some troubling neurological symptoms. This particular day I had lost feeling in my legs for a brief moment while walking down the stairs and I fell and broke my coccyx and sacrum (very luckily I was not holding a child).

I was exclusively breastfeeding my daughter and it was very important to me because I was not able to breastfeed my other 2 children for long (6wks for 1st child and 4 months for 2nd), I wanted to continue as long as I could. Given my broken bones I was having great difficulty nursing because I was not able to sit down and was afraid this would hinder or completely stop our nursing relationship.

Before the fall I fed my daughter sitting up in bed and would place her back in her bassinet when she fell back asleep. Since I could no longer sit down I needed to find something, which is when I discovered the beauty of nursing while lying down. I was able to feed my daughter without causing pain from my broken bones. This is what brought on our bed-sharing. I was lying down with her in my bed 4 times a night to feed her and we became so comfortable. We both slept better and were able to extend our breastfeeding relationship. Bed-sharing saved my breastfeeding relationship with my daughter and forged an even deeper bond.

She is 13 months old now and both our breastfeeding and bed-sharing is going strong. We have a rhythm to our sleep that allows us both to get better rest. I am slowly and tenderly trying now to transition her out of our bed (we've set up a mattress for her beside our bed) but will still continue to bring her into our bed when she wakes up for her 4 am nursing session. 

I would love to hear your experiences with co-sleeping or bed-sharing. Is it something that has worked for you and your child?

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