I have had 10 miscarriages – saying that is hard for me. For so long I have just tried to sweep it under
the rug – once my number became larger then 3 I just became
numb to it all. I am not really an emotional person, but this topic always brings up emotions as if it all happened yesterday. I have been through 10 miscarriages in 6 years. I am 28 years old - I have been pregnant 13 times - and have 3 living children.
I can be a very private person, but I think miscarriage
and infertility have enough secrecy surrounding it that I do not want to
perpetuate it. The more it is talked about - the more women and families can feel supported and listened to and important - not embarrassed and ashamed like I am struggling to not feel. I am opening up the door to talk about it - so here is my long story :
My first two miscarriages were kind of
a blur to me. We were not trying to get pregnant and basically found
out we were expecting the same time we realized we were miscarrying.
I had always heard that having one miscarriage was 'normal' and so I
honestly didn't put too much thought into it. They were still very
painful and devastating to me but I thought once we were actively
trying everything would be ok – that no one would have more then 2.
My husband and I decided to start
trying for a family and we actively began trying to conceive using
basal body temping as a guide. We became pregnant again in November
2004 the first month of trying. I was about 6 weeks pregnant just
around Christmas time when I miscarried (#3). This time it hit me –
hard. I mean I have never heard of someone who has had 3 miscarriages
ever – let alone in a row.
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| Basal Body Temperature Chart using Fertility Friend |
I began feverishly doing my research.
With my basal body charts I had noticed that my luteal phase was
under 10 days (according to research the shortest it should be for a successful pregnancy) so I began to take vitamins B6 and B12 to
lengthen it. I went to the doctor and his thought was that my
progesterone was low and that is why I was not able to hold on to the
pregnancy past 6 weeks. So a new plan evolved. I would stay on the
vitamins and go on a progesterone supplement the moment I found out I
was pregnant. This made the basal body temping so important – I
needed to know the exact date.
We began another month of trying to
conceive. Thermometer in hand and a plan in mind we became pregnant
again in June and I was on the progesterone medication. The plan was
to stay on until 12 weeks pregnant and then to slowly wean myself
off. When 12 weeks came along we lowered the dose of progesterone
but I began to bleed so we quickly went back onto the medication. The
baby was doing fine and the new plan was to wean off at 20 weeks. 20
weeks came and I was successfully weaned off with no further
complications. I had my first full term baby (Big P) in December 2005
– a healthy boy.
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| Big P - 8lbs 1oz |
My husband and I had always wanted to
have our kids close in age so we starting TTC again relatively
quickly. I began the basal body temping again and got pregnant
pretty quickly. When I got the positive I went to the doctor to get a
prescription for the progesterone and started taking it again. I
miscarried #4 shortly after 7 weeks. My doctor and I both thought it
was because the progesterone was not started soon enough so I was
given a prescription for the next time to begin the day I had a
positive test. I got pregnant again and started the progesterone but
miscarried #5 at 6 weeks 5 days and I was starting to loose hope. I
went back on the vitamins and we began TTC again. Thinking back it
probably would have been better to give myself a few months to heal
physically and emotionally but I was determined and had the ok from
my doctor.
In July 2006 we got pregnant again and
everything was going smoothly. I was on the progesterone and we had
an ultrasound that showed the heartbeat and the baby was growing. I
was on bed rest again for the first 20 weeks and was weaned off the
progesterone at 20 weeks. Everything was going smoothly. At 8 months
pregnant I awoke with vertigo – fell and cracked my wrist. I was
taken to the hospital and without going into too much detail I was
diagnosed with possible stroke and they ran a large amount of tests
and I was hospitalized.
In one of those tests they discovered I
had a blood disorder called Factor V Leiden. Everything was going
relatively smoothly with the pregnancy. I was having some weight
issues – having only gained 10lbs and was 8 months pregnant they
were checking to see if the baby was growing -which she was. I was
being induced just over 2 weeks early because of the vertigo and
possible stroke. Our healthy baby girl (Princess R) was born in
February 2007.
 |
| Princess R - 7lbs 14oz |
This is where the story starts to get a
bit crazy. I had 2 more miscarriages (#6 & 7) due to failed birth
control. We were not trying to have an other baby yet – however
these losses were still quite painful.
In May 2007 I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease and was on a strict gluten free diet. We had wondered if that
underlying cause was also contributing to the miscarriages and we're
hopeful that was the answer. I still had the constant vertigo that
started in January 2007 and was seeing a
neurologist for possible causes. During one of our meetings she
mentioned Factor V Leiden again. That was the first time I had heard of it since back when I
was pregnant with Princess R. The neurologist thought that could be
the cause of my possible stroke when I was pregnant. I was sent to
other specialists for that.
My husband and I were ready to expand our family again. I went off birth control in the beginning December 2007 and we began TTC again. I became pregnant the first month but lost miscarriage # 8 at just over 5 weeks. We didn't take any breaks between that loss and trying to conceive again and we became pregnant again the next cycle at the beginning of January.
I was back on the progesterone and everything was seemingly going okay – baby was perfect. We had made it past 8 weeks of pregnancy and thought everything was going to go smoothly. We had told extended family and friends and had begun taking daily photos of my growing belly - our kids were excited.
A phone call came to me a few weeks later that shattered me. The baby (Triton) that had made it to 13 weeks was “no longer viable” and he had passed away (miscarriage # 9). I was confused – I had done everything 'right' – I was on the progesterone, was on bed rest – everything. I was scheduled for a D&C because I did not want to deliver at home.
I was back on the progesterone and everything was seemingly going okay – baby was perfect. We had made it past 8 weeks of pregnancy and thought everything was going to go smoothly. We had told extended family and friends and had begun taking daily photos of my growing belly - our kids were excited.
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| Big P and Princess R telling the family about the growing baby |
A phone call came to me a few weeks later that shattered me. The baby (Triton) that had made it to 13 weeks was “no longer viable” and he had passed away (miscarriage # 9). I was confused – I had done everything 'right' – I was on the progesterone, was on bed rest – everything. I was scheduled for a D&C because I did not want to deliver at home.
The OB who was going to be doing the
surgery turned out to be a lifesaver to me. Another miracle that Triton brought into my life. My OB had read over my chart, talked to me
for a long time about my history and pegged that I had been diagnosed
with Factor V Leiden, a blood disorder that predisposes me to making
blood clots.
The surgery was scheduled for April 24,
2008 and I was able to get the answer I needed. When the pathology
came back it showed blood clots caught in the umbilical cord cutting
off the supply to Triton. He had given me the answer and we had a new
plan and a concrete diagnoses for all my losses - Factor V Leiden.
Recovering from surgery my husband and
I were not trying to conceive yet. I did become pregnant (seriously
it's like he just has to look at me to get me pregnant) the next
month but miscarried again (#10) likely because I was not healed up
completely from the surgery. We were both ready to start the
process of adding to our family and met up with my OB again.
The new plan – because Factor V Leiden predisposes me to throwing blood clots normally and any
pregnant woman's risk of blood clots increase anyway – my chances
were pretty high. This is the reason for my miscarriages, my possible
stroke at 8 months pregnant – but luckily there was something we
could do. I was still going to be on the progesterone for 20 weeks
because I did have an issue with low progesterone – it was just not the whole
story.
I continued with the basal body temping
and this time added low dose aspirin (it's a blood thinner). Once I
got that positive pregnancy test – I went on the progesterone and was put on
another medication called Fragmin. This medication is a needle that I
inject into my lower abdomen – it is a blood thinner that is safe
to take while pregnant. This medication was designed to thin my blood
enough to stop me from making clots and putting me and baby at risk
for miscarriage or still birth.
 |
| Fragmin - blood thinner injection I used daily for 42wks |
I injected myself with this needle
every day – I was covered in bruises but everything was working. It
became second nature to me. Since it is not safe to go into labor
while on blood thinners I was placed on bed rest at 36 weeks because
I had begun to dilate. The plan was to induce me again just over 2
weeks early – I had to be off the blood thinner to deliver but
could not go over 12 hours without the medication or I would risk
another stroke. So, the safest thing to do was a planned early
induction.
In February 2009 our third full term
baby (Baby E) was born perfect and healthy. I was put back on the
Fragmin blood thinners and had to continue giving myself the
injections for 8 weeks postpartum.
 |
| Baby E - 7lbs 13oz |
*------------------------------------------------------------*
Now, if you are still with me – thank you. It is hard to condense this story into a few paragraphs. I don't really have a 'moral' or 'message' to this story except this is my story. It has been a very difficult and extremely painful journey. It has taken me a long time (and I am still working on it) to accept what has happened and to begin to digest it all. I am hoping to slowly ooze out more emotions as time goes on - you will likely see a post or hundred on the topic -- I really need to begin to work through this.
I would like to open up the
communication of miscarriage, infertility and baby loss. If you have any questions please leave a comment,
tweet me, DM me or you can ask me anything anonymously at formspring. If there is any area you would like me to expand on in another post or something you would like me to explain, let me know.
If you need support or a safe outlet to share your journey I hope you can find it here. ((HUGS)) to everyone who has been through this, has supported someone through this and thank you for letting me share my story.
If you need support or a safe outlet to share your journey I hope you can find it here. ((HUGS)) to everyone who has been through this, has supported someone through this and thank you for letting me share my story.
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