Monday, June 14, 2010

A Letter For Triton: Missing You

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I have been thinking so much about you lately. I am not sure if it is the time of year or if I am just now processing the grief of everything. I think I am confusing my grief with wanting another baby -  I really think I am just missing you.

I have this unbearable feeling that someone is missing and I just can't seem to shake it.  When I have your brother and sisters in the  room with me I still find myself wondering where everyone is. I really hope I will be able to either get over that feeling or really come to terms with what is going on - because each time it happens I get a punch of panic that I can not take.

I wonder a lot about you. Thank you for visiting me in my dreams a few nights ago. It always brings me some comfort to see your smile and imagine what you look like. You always seem to visit when I need you the most - thank  you for that.   

Grief is hard, painful and confusing.  I have never had to grieve before and going though so much loss in 3 years then just stuffing it down has left me here. Your Daddy has been very patient with me and I am lucky to have him. 

I have an appointment set to get the last two cherry blossom tattoos and I am hoping it will bring me some closure and one step through this grief. 





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